every time the word just is put in front of something it makes the word seem smaller, less relevant. it was just a kiss. it was just a joke. it was just a mistake. it's just high school. but nothing is really ever "just something." it's something. it matters. it's real.
people are going to let you down. you're going to have your heart broken. you're going to lose a best friend. you're going to make that choice you never thought you would. you're going to be lied to. you're going to lie to someone. you're going to talk about people. you're going to be talked about. all of these things are inevitable right? because it's just high school. we're just kids. we couldn't possibly understand anything about love or loss or pain. we're just young and naive. we're just in high school.
i don't understand people who negate the relevance of these four years. yes, they are probably the easiest four years in anyone's young adult life, but they can also be the most heart-wrenching. you're tested the most when you're young. you're forced to discover who you are. you're forced to find yourself among a crowd of people who want you to stay lost. you have to find friends who you can trust, who you can keep for more than the span of a school year. you're forced to put your heart on the line regardless of what your head says. you're forced to decide if you want to take a stand or go with the flow. you're forced to face the same people every day regardless of that feeling you get in your stomach when you see the girl who stabbed you in the back or the boy who never really cared. every day you wake up and walk into the halls of a place you want to turn your back on. every day you wish you could move on with your life. and every day you're scared of what it will be like when you move on. at least i am.
throughout high school, i experienced loss. i became a product of divorce. i lost my core group of friends. i became a topic of conversation to people who have no life. i fell for the wrong guy, over and over again. i became one of those people who used the excuse "we just grew apart," knowing full well it was a choice we both made. i have been lied to. i have lied to people i cared about. i momentarily lost myself, but quickly realized where i was headed. some people aren't so lucky.
i don't think any of these things are meaningless simply because i'm young. the pain i felt was real. the pain i still feel is real. the friends i still have are real. as my high school career comes to a close, i recognize the fact that it wasn't just high school. it was four years of my life that changed me. they meant something. they mattered.
high school changed me. i have a best friend who has never left my side. i have stood strong by my morals. i have learned who to trust. i have learned who to let go. i've felt genuine happiness. i've felt what it's like to be loved by those who matter. i've felt what it's like to be missed, to know that if they're smart, they'll always come back. i've learned who i am. and i'm proud of that person. so maybe it is just high school. but i'm just me. a seventeen year old girl on the road to greatness. but a long stretch of that road is the four years i've spent in high school. the best four years of my life.
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