four years.one thousand four hundred and sixty days. thirty-five thousand and four hours.
..and it's no where near long enough.
i can't tell you how many long nights i spent doing pullen homework or useless hours i spent fighting with someone over something that seems so irrelevant now that i constantly wished i could just get out. i couldn't wait to be a senior and leave this place. make my own way in the world and never look back on all the "high school drama."
and now, that i actually am a senior, on the road to actually leaving this place, more than anything i wish i never wished it away. it's so cliche to say you're only young once, but i'm starting to realize the frightening truth in that statement. i'll never get these days back. not even the ones i wished away.
time is constantly passing. the world is always turning. and even when it seems like it won't, life goes on. i've always known that, but lately, i haven't wanted to acknowledge it. i have one more year of high school. the final chapter of the supposed "best four years of your life." i have one more year to cherish. and i think i'm finally realizing how crucial it is that i do. if i could change just one thing out of all the mistakes i've made, it would be to appreciate every single minute of every single day.
if you know me, you know i'm not the most positive person. i don't always look for the silver lining. in fact, i'm usually the one to find something wrong in any situation. and i absolutely hate that about myself. i'm cynical. i'm jaded. but more than anything, i'm scared.
i'm scared of growing up. i'm scared of being away from home. i'm scared of losing my friends. and i'm scared to move on.
my high school career has been the equivalent of a roller coaster. one with lots of loops, lots of turns,and lots of being suspended in the air not knowing exactly when the ride will be over. and what's really hard to face is that i know the ride's almost over. i'm sure there will be a few more unexpected twists and turns along the way but the harsh reality is: it's still coming to an end. i can see the end of the roller coaster. and i don't know where it's taking me.
so there it is. i'm scared. but that won't make time freeze just so i can get my act together. life will go on with or without me on board. so i guess i have no choice but to enjoy the ride. i've got one year. one year to make the most of before everything changes. and one more year to live with no regrets.
my last first day of high school, my last homecoming week&&dance, my last high school football game, my last pep rally, my last winterfest week&&dance, my last year of waking up at five in the morning, my last time to take the ACT, senior prom, and last but not least graduation. lots of lasts and a couple of firsts.
i know for a fact this will be my last year of being a kid. but i hope with all my heart, this will be my first year to enjoy every second of every day i'm blessed enough to live.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
--Ecclesiastes 3
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